i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
