Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my sisters under your porch take her home
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize