i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
