when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
