Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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