would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
