the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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