You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
