wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize