walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Couch. On fire.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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