Girls should come with a carfax report
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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