If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
