I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
