Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
