Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize