yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
