I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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