she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
