I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
