but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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