I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
