she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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