I think I am morally bankrupt
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its liver damage thursday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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