Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
