Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
