all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize