Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
