I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it was like eating out sand paper
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize