guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
