Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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