Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who died my cat blue again?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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