I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
