i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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