he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
