Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize