So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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