I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize