Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Porn is love you can see.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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