and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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