People in love make me want to vomit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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