She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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