Fuck appropriateness.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
