i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
