if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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