respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
