Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
