He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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