I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
