I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I touched a dick in church today
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
