So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
