Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
