Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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