If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Say something about gay babies.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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