my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
