I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
