you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
