3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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