WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
