I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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