He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
