the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
