Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
