So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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