Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
