I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
