I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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