I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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