Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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