I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
