it was like his penis was on wheels.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My bed smells like the plague
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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