I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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