I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
