My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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