So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
that is very illegal...i love you.
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