At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
