i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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