don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
