You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
