my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
