I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
