ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
