so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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