I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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