I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
