Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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