dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
