so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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