a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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