The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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