I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
