Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
