dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this is an emotional support booty call
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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