You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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