Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
