I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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