turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
